Sunday, December 29, 2013

A Balanced Perspective on Benghazi

The New York Times' investigation of the September 2012 events in Benghazi, Libya should force right-wing extremists to abandon their most extreme accusations against the Administration! The Administration's preliminary assessment that al Qaeda was not involved in the attacks has held up, as have its initial claims that attackers took advantage of a demonstration motivated by outrage over an offensive anti-Islamic video. However, left-wing extremists, and the Administration, must likewise come to terms with a fact that has never been refuted: THEY EDITED THE TALKING POINTS!

Saturday, December 28, 2013

Somtimes Peple Get What thye Deserv!

Thisis so freakign perfct! I cuold wach this agan and aagain and agan! iS crcket always this greeat? Myabe if Piers mOrgan's show oepened wiht this sort of thnig I would watchit!

What cuold have been!

i keeep this piture in afreame on m ybedside table. Oh whenI think of what coudl havebeen!

Pretty Darn Good!

Is this the best of all possible worlds? Perhaps not, but it's still pretty darn good!

Nuit de Samedi!

Tonight is all about Noyau de Poissy, Duran Duran, and my new massage chair!

Friday, December 27, 2013

Putting Things in Perspective

Extended unemployment insurance benefits are ending tomorrow! While I know that this will create some hardships for unemployed people and their families, and it will harm the economy, I hope that the people who suffer will take some comfort in knowing that federal spending will be reduced by 0.2 percent as a result of their sacrifice! So it isn't all bad news!

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Monday, December 23, 2013

Obamacare Turning Point

Today, President Obama signed up for Obamacare, even though he has a personal physician and no need for health insurance! Will this gambit pay off in increased support for the program? Or will it be seen as a cynical attempt to manipulate public opinion? Time will tell, but one thing is certain; a year from now when Obamacare is either a smashing success or a crushing failure, we will look back on this moment as the turning point!

Sunday, December 22, 2013

An Interview with David Brooks!

David Brooks is everyone’s favorite New York Times columnist! He’s probably my favorite columnist, period! He really gets Bipartisan Sensibleness, and he’s genius-level smart—like a social scientist, but without being too bookish! The public has been clamoring for me to do an interview with Brooks, and while we haven’t been able to schedule an on-camera interview, I am using this exciting new technology to bring the actual words of David Brooks to you! That’s right—all the answers in this interview are things that David Brooks has said (or written).

Blitzer: Thank you so much for conversing with me, David. You are a great columnist, one of the best. Yet, you are almost always wrong about everything. Can you explain this seeming contradiction?

Brooks: To get the most attention, the essay should be wrong. Logical essays are read and understood. But an illogical or wrong essay will prompt dozens of other writers to rise and respond, thus giving the author mounds of publicity.

Blitzer: Fascinating! Do you think that this approach to punditry serves the public?

Brooks: There's a collapse in the public's faith in American institutions. The media has done a poor job. We've become as insular and self-regarding as any [other institution].

Blitzer: Perhaps. But maybe when we address issues of real seriousness and weight, we can overcome this insular self-regard. For example, what do you think the prospects are for a democratic transition in Egypt?

A: It’s not that Egypt doesn’t have a recipe for a democratic transition. It seems to lack even the basic mental ingredients.

Brooks: Okay, maybe not! President Obama recently gave a speech decrying the increase in inequality. What is your take on this issue?

Brooks: The rich don't exploit the poor. They just out-compete them.

Blitzer: Ha ha ha ha ha!  I think that one of the things I enjoy most about your work is your unique take on populism. Most people think of populism as an effort to support the interests of the common people against the privileged elite. But you don’t see it that way, do you?

Brooks: Populism and elitism are the same thing. They are class prejudices, crude class prejudices that so-and-so, because they are uneducated, is less worthy, or so-and-so, because they are richer or more educated, is unworthy.

Blitzer: Your approach to language reminds me of Humpty Dumpty! I love it! It seems that one of your favorite rhetorical techniques is to position yourself as the sensible center between extreme views. I like to do that too!

Brooks: The main job of radicals in the Noam Chomsky or G. Gordon Liddy mode is to go around from one scruffy lecture hall to another reminding audiences that while they may be disdained or ignored by the mainstream culture, they are actually right about everything.

Blitzer: Like that! You truly are a master at this! It never would have occurred to me to create an equivalence between one of the most important intellectuals of the last century and a ex-con radio talk show shouter! My head is spinning, so let me ask you a question that no doubt has a more straightforward answer: What do you think about Jerry Sandusky raping all of those boys?

Brooks: I don’t think it was just a Penn State problem.  You know, you spend 30 or 40 years muddying the moral waters here.  We have lost our clear sense of what evil is, what sin is; and so, when people see things like that, they don’t have categories to put it into.  They vaguely know it’s wrong, but they’ve been raised in a morality that says, “If it feels all right for you, it’s probably OK.”

Blitzer: Golly! All right, let’s switch to talking about governance. What did you think of George Bush’s presidency?

Brooks: Almost single-handedly, Bush reconnected with the positive and idealistic instincts of middle-class Americans. . . . Bush has ennobled and saved American conservatism.

Blitzer: Speaking of Bush, can you remind me what you were saying during the early days of the Iraq War?

Brooks: Back then I said: “Chicken Littles like Ted Kennedy and Robert Byrd were ranting that Iraq is another Vietnam. Pundits and sages were spinning a whole series of mutually exclusive disaster scenarios: Civil war! A nationwide rebellion! Maybe we should calm down a bit. I've spent the last few days talking with people who've spent much of their careers studying and working in this region. We're at a perilous moment in Iraqi history, but the situation is not collapsing.”

Blitzer: In retrospect, how do you think that column holds up today?

Brooks: Every column is a failure.

Blitzer: But such a beautiful way to fail! What do you think about President Obama?

Brooks: Culturally, he will have to demonstrate that even though he comes from an unusual background, he is a fervent believer in the old-fashioned bourgeois virtues: order, self-discipline, punctuality and personal responsibility.

Blitzer: Okay. Not sure where that came from! Anyway, my favorite of the old-fashioned bourgeois virtues is fiscal responsibility. What’s your take on that issue? Why is our deficit so big?

Brooks: Every generation has an incentive to borrow money from the future to spend on itself.

Blitzer: I didn’t know that it was possible to borrow money from the future! This is so informative! I’m passionate about fiscal responsibility. What political ideas are you passionate about?

Brooks: When you cover politics, you realize that knowing how to talk about character matters more and more. The way we hold ideas is more important than the ideas.

Blitzer: That is so true! Thank you for holding your ideas, whatever they may be, with such character!

Saturday, December 21, 2013

nO MORe Mr nice Guy

i may come off as a mildd guy but whn i'm psissed the wolf comesout! So a word to the soots at the network-- back in bufalo i climbed over tougher dudes than yuo just to kck a real hard guys ass.

ONe that got aweigh

Did yuo ever hav a woman that dorve yoi crazy? tHat you juts had to have alll to yuorself, becaus you loved here so much? And then you lossed her becasue you where two psosessive? I have! yOung men-- if yuo love something set it freee, ect, etc.  Dont make teh same missteak i did! !


Happy happy joy joy!

Saturday Night's Alright for Fighting

Relaxation time, with hot toddies, a bubble bath, and Nickelback turned up to 11! If anyone sees Anthony Bourdain coming my way, call 911 (I kid)!

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Media Criticism

I don't like media criticism and I'm not one to engage it it myself! But I'm willing to make an exception in those rare cases where the media as a whole is failing to bring us an important story! We're in such a situation now! So here goes:

Why is the American media failing to bring us the important stories about developments in the royal family? Surely William and Kate can't fully agree on all aspects of little George's upbringing! Is it possible that the Queen hasn't provided some unwanted advice to her daughter-in-law? Who are Pippa's drinking buddies? I know these stories aren't easy to get but that's no excuse!

A friendly word to my colleagues: we've got to do better than this!

Sunday, December 15, 2013

Inequality: A Distraction

Why is everyone talking about inequality these days, from the President on down? I'm not saying that inequality isn't an important issue! But with our political system so riven by conflict that it's difficult to Get Anything Done, wouldn't it be better for the time being to focus on issues that we agree on, rather than ones that divide us? Since everyone who matters agrees on the need to slash Social Security and Medicare benefits for the sake of reducing the deficit, let's do it! There'll be plenty of time later to talk about more controversial issues, like whether government policy should be focused primarily on benefiting the rich. Let's solve one problem at a time, people!

Saturday, December 14, 2013

A wArning!

A message for Don lEmon-- I respcet you and and i valeu you as a coleage. I reely do. Butt ill be goddammed fi you are ogoing two get a primetmie slot while I;m still around! Doo not test me! I'm fucking serious! you. will. regert. it.

Kissing Dinae

Do you think that Diane sAwyer wood be a good kisser? i bet she wood! Shes good at eeverything else!


The small amounts of bitterness in my life only make the sweetness sweeter!

Saturday Night!

Tonight I'm kicking back with piña coladas and Zamfir up to 11 on the stereo. You know, he really is the master of the pan flute!

In Praise of Statesmanship

Other duties have kept me away from blogging for the past few days, but never fear, I'm back! What's on my mind today is the historic budget deal negotiated this week. While this deal falls short of the sort of grand compromise that we so desperately need (oh how I long for entitlement reform and massive deficit reduction!), it is a hopeful sign that the grownups are back in charge and that Bipartisan Sensibleness is possible in Washington once again!

So let us praise the statesmen who made this deal possible. First, Rep. Paul Ryan. He forcefully penetrated the nation's consciousness with his brilliant insights into budgetary matters, and powerfully thrust himself into the debate over the role of government. Then he bravely, even heroicly, stood up to extremists in his own party who would refuse to compromise! So I salute you Paul Ryan for your muscular assertion of your principles; I stand before you in awe!

Next consider Sen. Patty Murray. She was very gracious during the negotiation process, and was highly receptive to overtures from her negotiating partner. She helped gestate some good approaches, gave birth to an important compromise, and really nursed the process along. She also performed a valuable service by managing the unruly children in her own party who would insist on a budget that would reflect the priorities that most of the country shares. Good job, Patty!

Tuesday, December 10, 2013


The hypocrisy of some people is amazing! And both sides are guilty! How can conservatives justify their opposition to the nuclear deal with Iran when so many of them wouldn't want to live next to a nuclear plant themselves? And how can Democrats claim to be in favor of a woman's right to choose when they themselves consistently refuse to have abortions?

Monday, December 9, 2013

Link Bait

Sorry dear readers, but today I am too busy for regular posting. So instead, here's some link bait (I don't read the Huffington Post for nothing):

Ugliest former child actors!
8 things you can do to make him cheat on his wife!
Eat healthy to beat cancer!
10 brothels that should be on YOUR bucket list!
Celebrity fatty!
The 5 things you're doing with your penis that she hates!
Miley Cyrus!
Crazy cat antics!
Heartwarming dog video!

Sunday, December 8, 2013

I Wish I Had Said That: Thomas Friedman Edition

Thomas Friedman-- today's column shows that you are a master of Bipartisan Sensibleness!
Democrats who protect teachers’ unions that block reforms to give teachers more ownership and accountability, and who refuse to address long-term entitlement spending that threatens to deprive us of funds to invest in the young, are harming our future. Republicans who block investments in things like early education and immigration reform — today we educate the world’s top talent in our colleges and then send them back to their home countries — are harming our future.

Saturday, December 7, 2013

Propaer Atire

Shoud a tv achor wear t-shirst on a regulat basis? Do peeple say woah, cheque out those mussels hes so cool! Or do thye say, put on some cloths yuo stupid duche? Possibly ist the latter!

Shes a Starr

You know whose the funiest person? Barbara Starr! oNce she swiched our galsses and Iwent on the aiir waring her glasses! I couldnt' read the telepromter! aFter I jsut about pissed myself laffing! I liek her alot!

No Complaints!

When you have a life like mine, there's nothing to complain about!


Saturday evening-- relaxation time! Tonight it's eggnog and the Bay City Rollers!

A Real Problem

It looks like Paul Krugman agrees with me! He too has noticed (two weeks after I pointed it out!) that declining healthcare costs are undermining the case for needed bipartisan sensible entitlement reforms! It's a real problem!

Friday, December 6, 2013

Fiscal Liberal isn't Even a Thing!

I've been catching up on old episodes of 30 Rock, mostly to catch the hilarious cameos of my friend Brian Williams (Brian-- pay no attention to what everyone is saying. I don't think your dignity and credibility is compromised at all by your amateurish clowning!) Anyway, my favorite non-Brian moment in the series is when Liz's old boyfriend, Dennis, describes his politics as "social conservative, fiscal liberal." That's hysterical, because it's supposed to be the other way around!

Thursday, December 5, 2013

Dream Big!

You know what the world needs now? Not for some, but for everyone? Tax credits for research and development!

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

The Bipartisan Sensibleness of theThird Way

Yesterday, I began to outline a new sort of centrist politics that could be the salvation of America-- an approach that I'm calling Bipartisan Sensibleness! So I was delighted to see in this very morning's Wall Street Journal editorial page a call from Third Way's Jon Cowan and Jim Kessler for their own version of Bipartisan Sensibleness! I agree with all of the praise directed at this fantastic article from various segments of the blogosphere! I'll just add that they were really shoveling the Bipartisan Sensibleness, and not for the first time!

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Bipartisan Sensibleness

Today I'm going to start a series of posts outlining the prospects for an incipient political movement! A movement that represents the best hope for this nation, but a movement that as yet is so underdeveloped that it doesn't have a name! Until now! I am dubbing this movement "Bipartisan Sensibleness." I hope it catches on!

While I have recently noted already some hopeful signs of Bipartisan Sensibleness in both parties, sadly there doesn't seem much hope for Bipartisan Sensibleness in Washington at the moment! The signs of hope that I have seen on the Republican side are in the states, and the signs of hope on the Democratic side are in lobbying firms! So I suppose that there is hope for Bipartisan Sensibleness in Washington if a Republican governor gets elected President or if K-street lobbying firms somehow manage to gain a foothold within the Democratic party! But neither of these things will happen until 2016, at least!

So how can we find a path towards Bipartisan Sensibleness here and now? Towards popular policies that are currently being blocked by special interests and partisanship? Bipartisan Sensible policies like:
  • imposing painful sacrifices for beneficiaries of programs such as Social Security and Medicare, balanced by temporary token tax increases on the wealthy;
  • enacting a compromise on health care reform, such as repealing only half of Obamacare;
  • admitting that climate change is real, while agreeing not to do anything about it; 
  • maintaining abortion rights for women, while extending them to men as well;
  • increasing support for student loans, as the Democrats want, but targeting it towards shady for-profit institutions, as the Republicans want;
  • striking a deal in which Republicans promise to suspend efforts to suppress voting by minorities and the poor, in exchange for a Democratic promise not to propose policies that would make minorities and the poor want to vote for them.
To build a stronger nation, we need to start with a shovel-full of Bipartisan Sensibleness! In the weeks and months to come, I will be outlining ways that we can start shoveling towards Bipartisan Sensibleness now!

Monday, December 2, 2013

In Defense of Krauthammer, and Journalism

Today non-entity "Jonathan Chait" (an obvious pseudonym) attacks our modern Edmund Burke (I refer of course, to the great Charles Krauthammer)]! "Chait" calls Krauthammer a "hack" because Krauthammer changed his position on the Senate filibuster between 2005 and today, being inconsistent with his own stated principles but being consistent in his support of the Republican position. I object! While it is an accepted practice to hold politicians to account for changes in their positions (this is known in the business as "the Russert"), it is a serious breach of practice to use this approach with fellow journalists! Therefore, I call out "Chait" for disgracefully violating the ethics of his profession! I apologize for the strong language, but I feel very passionate about journalistic ethics!

Sunday, December 1, 2013

A David Brooks Study Guide

Here's the brilliant and eloquent David Brooks, talking about the problems with Obamacare on today's Meet the Press
I have to say, people are appraising whether this government can work. Can government be nimble? Can it learn from its mistakes? And I would say the website is just a small symptom that is not nimble. Government is like an offensive lineman. It can do something really well. It can do blocking. It can create order. But when you ask government to be a wide receiver, then you're asking two things it can't do. And I think we're in a situation like that. We're asking it to do things it can't do. Republicans win elections when Democrats overreach by asking government to do things it can't do.
What genius! I love this so much, that I encourage all of my fans to read it repeatedly! I have provided the following questions as a study guide to help you get all that you can out of this thoughtful statement about government!

1. Are offensive linemen nimble?
2. Should government be a wide receiver?
3. When you ask government to be a wide receiver, what are the two things that you're asking that it can't do? (hint: it isn't correct to say "be wide" and "be a receiver.")
4. Why does creating order require only "blocking" whereas creating a health care exchange requires "nimbleness."
5. What happens when Democrats try to get government to do things that help people (other than create order)?
6. Why should Democrats bother to win elections?

Saturday, November 30, 2013


hOw handosme should a jornalist be? Oviously, shouldnt be hard to look at or beestly. But isnt their sucj at thing as two hansome? I thnk so! aT some point, I thinkk it hurst your credibility.

Sweet Kate

I totaly totally toataly adore Kate Bolduan. What a dolll!  Stupid fucking suits don't treat her rigth! We shoudl still be a team!!

The Best!

This truly is the best of all possible worlds!

Saturday Night Again

Time to relax! Mixing it up tonight, with Kenny G, a bottle of Grand Marnier, and autumn leaves-scented candles!

Friday, November 29, 2013

Shocking News!

I've just received news of a shocking story! Sources tell me that two individuals have been arrested in Needles, CA for drowning a sack full of puppies in a rain barrel behind the Burger Hut. I am working to confirm that these two individuals are major celebrities from the world of entertainment and politics! Once I get the story nailed down, I will report it here, using this exciting new technology to "live blog" this shocking story!

UPDATE: Sources have confirmed that the two persons arrested for drowning a sack of puppies in Needles, CA are celebrity actress Lindsay Lohan and former Secretary of Homeland Security and current University of California president Janet Napolitano! I will have more on this story as it develops!

UPDATE: Many questions surround the shocking story that Linday Lohan and Janet Napolitano have allegedly drowned a sack full of puppies! So I have conducted an email interview with Franklin Dreyfus, a respected criminal profiler, which I reproduce in it's entirety below:
BLITZER:  Mr. Dreyfus-- thank you for joining me. While we should be careful to note that Ms Lohan and Ms Napolitano haven't yet been convicted of anything. But if it does turn out that they are guilty of this horrific crime, what might be the motive?

DREYFUS: Well Wolf, puppy drowning is a crime associated with Satan worshippers, who commit these acts in order to gain "canine strength" to use in future Satanist crimes.

BLITZER: But neither Lohan nor Napolitano are known to be Satanists, are they?

DREYFUS: Not to my knowledge, Wolf. But keep in mind that devil-worshippers are frequently under the influence of substances such as "meth," or methamphetamine, or perhaps "coke," or cocaine. And Lindsay Lohan has been known to have problems with substance abuse in the past. So it seems clear that what has happened was that Lohan got Napolitano hooked on "meth," which then led to participation in an escalating series of dark rites, culminating in puppy-drowning.

BLITZER: Fascinating! But Lohan and Napolitano are from such different worlds! How do explain that they got together to allegedly commit these heinous acts?

DREYFUS: My research indicates that satanist meth-heads are often lesbians involved in May-September romances, Wolf.

BLITZER: Thank you Mr. Dreyfus. Could you please tell me what your qualifications are as a criminal profiler?

DREYFUS: For the past 35 years, I have served as a volunteer profiler for the Fort Wayne, Indiana Department of Police.
UPDATE: The Needles, CA police have informed me that Lindsay Lohan and Janet Napolitano have not been arrested in connection with a puppy drowning incident, and in fact are not suspects. So who could have committed this crime? Stay tuned for updates!

UPDATE: Sources say that two drifters, Larry Lipman and Jose Nardone are responsible for this crime! I have asked the FBI to comment on the trend of puppy drowning that is sweeping the nation. I will post their response as soon as I receive it! Watch this space for updates!

UPDATE: The FBI responds:
We are not aware of any trend of puppy drowing in the United States.
UPDATE: I have just learned that my initial information was incorrect. No puppies were drowned in a rain barrel behind the Burger Hut in Needles, CA. Even so, the debate continues about magnitude of, and reasons for, the alarming nation-wide increase in puppy-drowning!

Thursday, November 28, 2013

Things to be Thankful for: Democratic Party Edition

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Since writing yesterday's post about the exciting trends in Republican governance at the state level, I have been bombarded with questions about whether I also see any positive developments on the Democratic side of the aisle. Of course I do! In our two-party system, it is axiomatic that any praiseworthy development in one party is always balanced by an equally praiseworthy development in the other party!

So here's what I'm thankful for on the Democratic party side! While the Party in general is mired in a lack of bipartisanship and an extreme ideology that doesn't appeal to moderate voters in the swing states, there is one segment of the Democrats that is successful, dynamic, and provides a model for how to move forward: retired Democratic members of Congress! There are so many great examples of Democrats who have left Congress to become models of bipartisan integrity, showing that it is possible both to be a liberal and to represent the interests of big business! Harold Ford! Evan Bayh! And now the greatest Senator in History looks set to become the greatest ex-Senator in history: Joe Lieberman! Surely if America is to move forward, these great men will show the way!

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Things to be Thankful For: Republican Governors!

I'm afraid that my use of this exciting new technology has gotten a bit off course lately! I've allowed myself to become distracted by disputes with my lessers, and to become involved in excessively wonky discussions. That's not what I'm about! So with this post, I return to the type of punditry that is my forte: bringing you the straight dope about the important issues that affect your life!

That's why I'm highlighting an important story that you probably haven't heard about! You may have heard that Washington Republicans these days are down in the polls, afflicted by lack of bipartisanship and by an extreme ideology that doesn't appeal to moderate voters in the swing states. (Of course, that's equally true of Washington Democrats, but that's a topic for another day!). But did you know that at the state level, Republican governors are setting an exciting new course for modern pragmatic governance? Probably not-- because this is an exciting development that hasn't been sufficiently remarked upon! Am I the first to notice this exciting trend? Maybe! But I'm willing to get out in front of the pack and tell it like it is!

Just look at the remarkable successes being achieved by these modern Ciceroes and their pragmatic moderation:
You may not believe that Republican governors have accomplished all of this! But check the links! My assertions are fully documented!

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Death Panels

Some inconsequential blogger who goes by the name "Jonathan Chait" is unfairly attacking Mark Halperin, taking him to task for falsely claiming that Obamacare will institute death panels. Here's what I have to say to Mr. Chait (undoubtedly a pseudonym-- these pseudo journalists love their pseudo names!):

1. Nobody criticizes Mark Halperin-- not on my watch! He's the exemplar of everything a journalist should be!

2. Mark Halperin ably defended himself by invoking Howard Dean, who has stated that the Independent Payment Advisory Board (IPB) "is essentially a health-care rationing body." Since a health-care rationing body is basically a death panel, argument over, right? But "Chait" says not! The all-too-clever "Chait" points out that the IPB isn't a health-care rationing body, it's a medical price-setting body. But don't let him confuse you with the facts! "Chait" is violating the rules of our political discourse while Halperin is following them to the letter! This chain of logic is easy to follow:
  • Obamacare is a liberal program.
  • Howard Dean is a liberal. 
  • Therefore, if Howard Dean says something negative about Obamacare, that an "admission against interest," and henceforth is true for the purposes of debate, even it isn't true in the real world.
Therefore, I declare "Chait" to be out of bounds. Halperin wins this one, game set and match.

3. If the liberal "Chait" would just pay attention, he would realize that Halperin was making a brilliant argument  in favor of Obamacare!  Here's Halperin (at about the 8:30 mark): "we do need to do some of that [death panels, that is] in this country because we can’t afford to spend so much on end of life care." See? Halperin likes death panels! If "Chait" would get off his high horse, he would see that Halperin is a death panel supporter, and therefore a true friend of Obamacare!

Monday, November 25, 2013

Crazy Nation!

I don't usually read The Nation; a new article in that publication by Rick Perlstein reminds me why! Perlstein describes how Jaqueline Kennedy manipulated Theodore White into describing her late husband's presidency as a time of hope and magic, "Camelot," rather than as a time of bitterness and vituperation. Perlstein goes on to say:
The whole thing is a great object lesson in the horrors of access journalism—and access history. . . . If you hate the kind of writing Bob Woodward does now; if you hate Politico or, going back further, if you hate the kind of things Sally Quinn wrote on Monicagate (“‘He came in here and he trashed the place,’ says Washington Post columnist David Broder, ‘and it’s not his place.’ ”), or the childish abuse and systematic distortions meted out to Al Gore in 2000 because he didn’t fit into the Washington insiders’ village, blame Camelot—or “Camelot.”
What is this lunatic talking about? No one hates those things! We love those things! In addition to being great practitioners of access journalism, the Woodward of today, the Broder of yesterday, and the Washington insiders' village of 2000 are all great followers of the first of my "tips for young journalists!"

Sunday, November 24, 2013


With a nuclear deal with Iran in place, and a chemical weapons deal with Syria being implemented, there's a narrowing list of countries that the U.S. might engage in military conflict with. So I ask again, who do you think we should bomb now, dear readers? Leave your suggestions in the comments.

Piers Morgan

Have I ever used this exciting new technology to say how much I like and admire my colleague Piers Morgan? Some readers have suggested that my last post, critical of a certain journalist, refers to Mr. Morgan! Nothing could be further from the truth! That was about someone else!

Saturday, November 23, 2013

How to be Sucksessful

YOu know what I uset to think was the wayt o be succesful in boradcast journalism? Work hard. Get a dergree at a good shool like JOhns HOpkins. Be sober and rspectful. Lern your craft.

But the'res another way. Work for sleezy tabloids. Be found guilty of breaking all jurnalistic ethics. Be a judge on stuupid Tv "talent" shows. Be ignant and generraly act like a twat.  Do all this and the suits at the network wil give yuo a primetime show!

Maureen Dowd

 has their ever beeen a more impressive combinatoin of brains ang beautty and integgrity than Maurren Dowd? Exept she kind of scares me! Sometimes at a partty or whatever i'll talk to her and it seeems like a nice conversation an d everyting but then after sh'ell be talkig to a friend and thhey loook over at me and laugh and it seeems like their laughing at me.


What a privilege it is to be alive at this time, in this place!

Another Saturday Night!

Ahh-- Saturday Night! My one time to relax. Tonight will feature my new massage chair, John Tesh turned up to 11, and a bottle of peach schnapps!

Friday, November 22, 2013

Advice for Young Journalists

I've logged a lot of years and accumulated a lot of wisdom since my days as a young news prodigy! So naturally, a lot of young journalists come to me for advice. But I can't talk to every young journalist! Thankfully, this exciting new technology gives me the opportunity to share with a broader audience! Here are my three tips for young journalists:

1) Pay attention to what the smart people are saying! If a diverse group of geniuses (say, for instance, Thomas Friedman, Mike Allen, Mark Halperin, Bob Woodward, and Joe Scarborough) are all saying the same thing, then you should say it too!

2) Your job is to make people feel better about themselves! While most young journalists grasp tip #1 quite readily, this tip is harder for some to understand! One way to make people feel better about themselves is to provide reassurance that their political, economic and cultural leaders know what they are doing and are managing things in a way that is for the best! But another way, and this is what is tricky, is to provide bad news about the oppression of minorities, crime, war, and misbehaving starlets or politicians! While it may seem counter-intuitive that such stories could make people feel better about themselves, remember, your audience isn't a downtrodden minority, and doesn't live in a crime-ridden neighborhood or war-torn country! Only a few of them are corrupt politicians or celebrities! Hearing about the less fortunate makes your audience feel better about themselves, if you do it right! Don't believe me? Check the comments on this post.

3) Adopt a lively, invigorating style! If you're a print journalist, the best way to do this is through copious use of exclamation points! Nothing appeals to readers more! Don't believe me? Here's a real comment about this very blog, written by a young fan:
his consistent use of the "!" Increases my energy level, makes clear that I really really need to pay attention to that point, and makes me feel better about myself. In this season of gratitude, what more could you need?!!
 I shall not reveal the name of this fan, since she may be shy, as young ladies often are! But feel free, if you are reading this, to claim credit in the comments, young fan!

Thursday, November 21, 2013


My recent post was in error. New information indicates that this picture depicts a Latvian independence day event, and not a military coup. My apologies for the confusion.

Big Breaking News!

We're not quite ready to go on air with this big news, so you're getting this first! Apparently, a military coup is under way in a small Baltic nation! A correspondent sent the above picture, which clearly shows a major military action under way! Updates to come soon!


Senate Democrats have voted to implement "the nuclear option," allowing non-Supreme Court judicial nominees to be confirmed on a straight majority vote, with no filibusters, just as I predicted! While this will allow President Obama's nominees to be confirmed, it is likely that this move will alienate moderate voters in the swing states, who are known to have passionate views on Senate procedure!

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Good News/Bad News

Here's a surprising and puzzling story, that may seem to the untrained eye like unmitigated good news! But if you'd been around as long as I have, you'd know better! Inexplicably, health care cost inflation has decreasing and is well below projected levels over the last several years. The good news is that this will reduce Medicaid and Medicare costs, helping reduce the federal budget deficit. But the bad news is that this good news could reduced momentum towards a bipartisan budget compromise that will slash entitlement benefits! Remember, it isn't enough to just reduce costs; you have to cut benefits too! I fear that this good news will keep us from getting the bipartisan entitlement reforms that we so desperately desperately desperately need.

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

St. Ryan de Paul

Paul Ryan is starting to showcase some fascinating new ideas for helping the poor! This could have important implications for the 2016 presidential race! If Ryan can bring together a coalition of evangelicals and the poverty-striken, while locking down moderate voters in the swing states, he could be tough to beat!


This is a quirky little story-- not really big enough to cover on The Situation Room. However, one of the things I love about using this exciting new technology is that it allows my to follow some of these funny little news alleyways! The story is this: apparently the President believes that he has the constitutional authority to appoint judges to open positions! Senate Republicans have pointed out that this novel interpretation of the Constitution has bizarre implications-- that some of the country's top courts could end up having more Democrats than Republicans! Nonetheless, the President is continuing to try to make appointments to the courts! Clearly the President is just going to have to back down on this one! Still-- I thought it was amusing, and I hope you do to!

Monday, November 18, 2013

Mayor Ford

It will be interesting to see how the soap opera playing out in our neighbor to the North might affect American politics. Will Mayor Ford's antics help discredit white suburban backlash politics, or will this reminder of the ever-present dangers of drugs and crime push moderate voters in the swing states to the right? Time will tell!

Sunday, November 17, 2013


Most of the theories about Obama administration malfeasance in Benghazi have been debunked now:
  • the administration didn't conceal al Qaeda involvement in the attacks. Al Qaeda didn't lead the attacks; Ansar al Shariah did.
  • the administration didn't invent a story that the attackers were motivated by a video in order to cover up the fact that it was a terrorist attack. They said that terrorists hijacked a protest that was about a video, which is in fact what happened.
  • the administration didn't cover up the fact that this was a pre-planned attack. In fact it wasn't a pre-planned attack. Investigators believe the attack was "planned" mere hours before it occurred.
However, Benghazi continues to be a scandal that will dog the Administration and the future campaign of Hillary Clinton because of one key fact: THEY EDITED THE TALKING POINTS!

Saturday, November 16, 2013

Young Anthony

Heres Anthonny Bourdain talkinng to Merging Moon,a yuong Japeanese metal band on his CNN show, Parst Unknown:

BOURDAIN: You know, when I look at popular music, the stuff that's selling millions of records in America, it makes me angry, actually.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: You mean, that you sometimes you're angry (INAUDIBLE).

BOURDAIN: Yes, if I see Nickelback, I want to kill myself. OK. I want to kill them, and then I want to kill myself. And then I want to kill everybody who listens to them. OK? What's so funny? It's true. I mean, who do you hate? What band do you hate? What -- a band that I would know. Who's the worst band in the world? The worst popular band in the world? Who?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Oh, My Chemical Romance.

BOURDAIN: My Chemical Romance, yes. Hate them. That's a good one.

Grate job upping your cool quotiente Anthony my freind! Im sure thse kids were thinking, “Hes so bitchin. Hes totally relating to us on owr levl.” They werent at alll rolling there eyes and saying. “What a lame, desperate and possibly dangerous old man who should be locked up or at a minimum banned from TV forever.”

So Sweet

Yuo know who is the sweeetest? Peggy nOonan. Once she aksed me if she could feeel my beard. I said yes. She said it was softer than she expeccted. She smelt good. Come bac to the situation Room soon Peggy!


I'm such a lucky guy!!

Saturday Night!

Saturday evening-- my one time to relax!  Tonight that means a bubble bath, my old Carpenters albums, and a bottle of watermelon schnapps!

Friday, November 15, 2013

Historical Precedents

Is Obamacare Obama's Katrina, his Gallipoli, or his Charge of the Light Brigade?  Discuss!

Political Malpractice

All of the problems that President Obama is having with the Obamacare rollout could have been avoided if they had simply designed a program that improved everyone's coverage at lower cost while reducing the deficit and avoiding tax increases, and that was easy to sign up for while maintaining the competitive insurance marketplace! Why didn't Obama reach out to Republicans to create such a program in the first place? Because of this mistake, Democrats risk losing the support of moderate voters in the swing states!

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Presidential Tone

President Obama has spoken apologetic words about the difficulties with the Obamacare launch. But has he succeeded in projecting a tone of contrition? Has his body language been sufficiently abject? The answer could determine the fate of his Presidency!

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Kudos to Anderson Cooper for his reporting from the Philippines! Your t-shirts look fabulous, my friend!

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Spreading Democracy

Now that it looks like bombing Syria is off the table as the Assad regime destroys its stocks of chemical weapons, who do you think we should bomb? Leave your suggestions in the comments!

Obamacare Controversy

The Obamacare controversy rages! On the one hand, some people are disappointed because they are losing "insurance" policies that they don't realize wouldn't be cancelled in a heartbeat if they ever became seriously ill. On the other hand, millions of uninsured people will get real insurance. So it's a real mixed bag! One thing is for sure though-- the debate will continue!

Monday, November 11, 2013

I Wish I Had Said That!: Doris Kearns Goodwin Edition

The great Doris Kearns Goodwin on Meet the Press yesterday, talking to one of my favorite journalists, Joe Scarborough:
But here's what's sad, Joe. I mean what's sad to me is, for two weeks, on the one hand, the Democrats are saying, "Hooray!" 'cause the Republicans screwed up the government shutdown, right? And they're feeling, "This is good for us." Now the Republicans are saying, "Hooray! Obama screwed up the rollout of Obamacare."
. . . People were hurt by the government shutdown. They're being hurt by the rollout being screwed up. What's happening to our country when that's what we're feeling, the cheering for the failing of the other side?
What a great point! Because these two things are exactly the same!

Goodbye Facebook; Hello Blogger!

It is with a heavy heart that an announce the termination of my association with Facebook. The week that I spent using that medium was highly fulfilling, bringing me hundreds of thousands of new friends and enabling me to "tell it like it is" in a way that just isn't possible on the Situation Room. I was particularly gratified by the tens of thousands of personal messages I received from followers telling me how eye-opening, indeed life-changing, my insights have been for them. I am truly humbled.

But that all must end now, because it has come to my attention that some of my Facebook "friends" may have been using false identities, shamelessly impersonating others for the sake of cheap laughs. This is intolerable, and I, Wolfgang Blitzer, refuse to associate myself any longer with an organization whose practices are so shoddy as to permit this outrage to occur, if only temporarily.

But the good news is that there is an exciting new technology out there that is far superior to Facebook. It is called "blogging," and I think that it might catch on! If you enjoyed my Facebook posts, you'll love my "blog" posts. So bookmark and tell your friends!


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