Republican Party leaders are desperate to convince
Congressman Paul Ryan to reconsider his refusal to run for Speaker of the
House! House Republicans are currently in complete disarray with the pending
resignation of Speaker Boehner and the withdrawal of Kevin McCarthy, the
presumptive favorite to replace him! Only Ryan, with his brilliant policy ideas
and strong conservative credentials, can reunite the fractious House
Republicans!
But why should Ryan stop at fixing the House Republicans?
There are so many other problems in our politics that must be addressed! Let’s
start with the mess in the Republican primaries, where the failure of moderate,
respectable, honorable leaders like Jeb!, Christie, and Jindal to inspire
support has allowed wild cards Trump and Carson to lead the field! While both
men are brilliant and have brought forward truly innovative ideas, the Party
must decide whether it is really wise to select a political neophyte as their
standard-bearer! The obvious solution: draft Ryan to run for President!
But it isn’t only the Republicans that need help! Hillary
Clinton’s completely unprecedented and deeply disturbing use of a private email account will inevitably destroy her candidacy, leaving a Democratic field
consisting only of socialists and nonentities! Democratic wise men are casting
about for a solution! Well here’s one! Nominate Paul Ryan! Now you might be
asking why in the world the Democrats would nominate a Republican to be their
nominee! Well the answer is that when the Republican and Democratic nominees
are the same guy, both parties are guaranteed to win! Including the Democrats! That’s much better than
the crap shoot of nominating your own candidate, isn’t it? Besides, Paul Ryan
is such a reasonable moderate that he’s almost a Democrat anyway, so nominating
him would just make it official! It’s a perfect bipartisan solution!
There is one final problem that Paul Ryan could solve: the
lame duck Presidency of Barack Obama! His presidency is obviously dead in the
water, inexplicably incapable of achieving bipartisan compromise! And without
bipartisan compromise, nothing of value can get accomplished! The smart
thinking in Washington is that Obama will really have no choice but to resign
by the beginning of next year at the latest! If Biden resigns too, and Ryan is
Speaker by then . . .
